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March 26,
2004
There is a heated battle going on in Arizona, a
fight for money.
On one side, a million dollars sit in Washington, packed and ready
for Arizona. This million is designated to go to educators around the
state who teach our children about sexual abstinence until marriage.
On the other side, there is a strong campaign to keep those dollars
in Washington and let them grow mold. And the strange thing about
this campaign is that its organizers insist that they believe in the
value of sexual abstinence.
“Don’t let them teach your children abstinence,” they keep
shouting. “We teach abstinence! You don’t need them. You need us!”
What does it matter who teaches our children?
What’s the big deal? When talking about
abstinence, what separates the million dollar abstinence from the
regular old everyday variety of abstinence? It’s a hard question to
think about when we’re talking about sex.
It’s an easy question to answer when we talk about
football. Yes, football.
This is the time of year when grown men cry.
Hearts sink. Dreams fade. As the last sixty seconds tick off the
play clock, one side of the field is a sight of celebration. On the
other side of the field, grown men hang their heads and come to terms
with a broken dream.
So what’s the big deal? It’s just a game. And
it’s just a silly football. So what if you lose. Not everybody can
win. In fact, everyone is going to eventually lose. If you just
prepared for losing, it wouldn’t be so hard.
Why don’t coaches have at least one session where
players watch game films of teams who know how to lose with a smile?
How about a sideline coach on losing? When you fumble the ball, you
can sit with the coach and have him remind you it’s no big deal. It’s
just a game.
Sound ridiculous? Of course, it does. We know the
point of playing football. Losing happens. But we plan to win. It
may be just a game. But winning is the goal. We set a goal, we train
for the goal, and we believe in the goal.
The “million dollar” abstinence teachers are like
the best NFL coaches. They believe that sexual abstinence until
marriage is a worthy goal. They offer the medically accurate
information that proves the inability of condoms to protect our
children from serious life-long STDs. They tell our children the
truth that condoms approach a 20 percent failure rate with young
people in preventing pregnancy.
“Million dollar” abstinence teachers are not afraid
to stand on an uncompromising message that sexual abstinence until
marriage is worth a million dollars. They know most children dream of
a future where they can enjoy a happy, loving marriage and one day
raise a family.
“Million dollar” teachers set about coaching and
planning to reach that goal. They believe in children and their
capacity to succeed. They coach, mentor, encourage, and cheer for our
children…just like the best of the NFL coaches. They refuse to
sidetrack their lessons with lessons on how to fail and enjoy it.
There is another way to teach abstinence. It is
possible to tell children that abstinence is hard to do, that not
everyone can be abstinent, and that in fact, if you do it
“responsibly,” losing at abstinence can actually be fun and “somewhat
safe.” It is possible to tell children that “mature” people have sex,
and that when our children are ready to be “mature” they will put
abstinence behind them. Marriage? Well, it’s not for everybody.
Currently, many millions of dollars are paying the teachers who
make “losing at abstinence” look like fun. If we really want our kids
to succeed at staying sexually abstinent until marriage, we should be
willing to put a fair share of money behind those teachers who
consider abstinence a worthy goal and are willing to coach our kids to
win.
There are many ways to “talk about” abstinence with our children.
But not all of them are worth a million dollars. Abstinence as a
goal--winning at abstinence--that’s the real deal.
Copyright © 2004 Jane Jimenez
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