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April 11, 2005
Years ago, reading
endless attacks on abstinence education in the newspapers, I decided
to see for myself. I called up abstinence programs and asked if I
could sit in on their classes.
From the beginning,
abstinence educators were open and willing to share their message.
“Yes,” they invited me. “Come, and sit in a class. Talk with the
students. We would love to have you.”
It was a good thing
I went. Because I was shocked. In less than five minutes of entering
a middle-class, racially diverse high school classroom, I was struck
dumb by what I learned.
Sitting discreetly
in the back of the outside row, I read the student book as kids
gradually finished chatting and took their seats. Looking up to check
for the teacher, I caught the eye of a pretty young girl. We smiled
at each other, and I decided to break the ice. “What do you think of
this class?”
“I like it,” she
answered. “I’ve never heard this before.”
“Really?” I
asked. “What do you mean?”
“Well, like being
abstinent and not having sex,” she clarified.
I blinked. I tried
to think of something to say. “Really?” I commented, not expecting
her to answer back. It was just impossible to know what to say as I
sat and contemplated a beautiful high school junior who was hearing
someone for the first time in her life encourage sexual abstinence
until marriage.
That class, and
every abstinence class I have visited since, was a friendly honest
room filled with open dialogue. Medically accurate information
reinforced possible consequences of having sex even as one or two
highly charged boys made it clear they favored sex, even if there were
consequences. Even as talk focused on serious decisions, students and
the teacher knew how to joke and tease. It was a safe place where
students could be challenged with the truth and encouraged to choose
abstinence.
The young girl’s
comment has stayed with me ever since I first heard it over six years
ago. “I’ve never heard this before.” At first, I couldn’t believe
her. Then I started to attend to the movies, the music, the
magazines, the news…and I understood how easy it is in the American
teen culture to never hear abstinence validated and advanced as the
healthy life choice.
When one considers
American insistence on portraying sex as a recreational activity, it
is amazing that abstinence education is able to impress students with
its “new message.” But it is. Just this week, a series of student
comments came to me from an educator friend. Her students let her
know their hearts.
“Before, I was
practicing risky business. After this class I now realize how my
behaviors affect my goals, so I am going to make a 180! Thank you so
much for showing me how to respect myself and my values. I can
definitely wait until I get married.” A young girl, 16, heard…and
changed.
“Realizing that
having sex before marriage can be a major risk in my life, and that’s
not what I want in my life, I want to enjoy my life and be risk free.
I enjoyed your class and learned a lot of things I did not know. I
will choose to live a risk-free life.” Is this another student who
heard abstinence affirmed as a positive choice for the first time?
“I think secondary
virginity wouldn’t be a bad idea for me. I haven’t had sex a lot. I
am going to stop. I know now that I am worth waiting for.” A male,
16, has been validated as a man for having the courage and
intelligence to save sex until marriage.
Kids are
learning...one by one...thanks to tireless teachers who care enough to
affirm students and their ability to use self-restraint to make
healthy choices. And that’s enough to keep my friend going. Her own
comment says it all, “I love this soooo much!!!!!!!!!!”
Whether it’s the
first time they hear it, or the tenth…abstinence from sex outside of a
loving and healthy marriage is a message that empowers kids. And like
all truth, when students hear this message, they know it makes sense.
That’s enough to
charge the batteries of at least one teacher. It’s why she teaches
abstinence.
Copyright © 2005 Jane Jimenez
April 30, 2004
Condoms: A Failure to Protect
I remember the challenge from one female teen on my radio program who
demanded to know, 'Why can't I have sex in a casual way with a number
of people if it feels good? My mother couldn't give me any good
reason.' But, I asked, can you feel really good if you know that
ultimately nobody cares about you, nor you about them, much at all?
Isn't that a lonely thought--a lonely feeling? She quietly said,
'Yes.'
--Dr. Laura Schlessinger
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