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August 8, 2004
Comprehensive sex
education…it’s being sold all over America. The best thing about
comprehensive sex education, we parents are told, is that it teaches
our children everything. That’s right…everything.
It teaches children
how to say no…and then it teaches them that they can pleasure each
other with mutual masturbation.
It teaches children
how to say no…and then it teaches them how to put on a condom.
It teaches children
to ask their parents…and then it hands them the address to the nearest
clinic where they can get birth control and abortions without telling
their parents.
It teaches children
that some people save sex until marriage…and then it teaches children
that marriage isn’t for everyone.
What is the true
message comprehensive sex education gives our teens? This is only
clear when put into context with a real child.
In my first
interview with an expert who had been teaching comprehensive sex
education for over thirteen years, I came to the end of the hour
totally perplexed. “Safe sex”, perfect use, neutral values, healthy
attitudes? In a moment of frustration, I asked this expert about “my
Daughter Debbie.” What if “Daughter Debbie” sat in on your sex
education class?
It’s a simple
question, and I have tagged it the Ultimate Test Question for
all sex education programs. If you want to know what all the fancy
talk and clever rationales mean, just ask someone about “your own
Daughter Debbie.”
13-year-old
Daughter Debbie
OK, so, what do you
really teach?
What if my
13-year-old Daughter Debbie sat through all of your lessons on sex
education and came to you as you were packing to leave with this
question:
My boyfriend is at
the high school. He's 16, and we've been talking about having sex.
It seems like if we use a condom we'll be safe. I've talked it over
with some of my friends, and they're already having sex. We’re
mature. We know what we’re doing. Everyone says if we use a condom
that we'll be safe. I'm thinking I'm going to go ahead...What do you
think?
In every interview
with every adult who teaches comprehensive sex education,
I have concluded with this question. Not one of these
adults would express any opinion to Debbie in answering her
question.
At best, several
said they would do a quick re-run of all the lessons and options
presented. They might encourage her to talk with "someone she
trusts." I suggested that Debbie had chosen them as a
trustworthy person. They said she needed someone else. I mentioned
her boyfriend and her girlfriends. Well...they paused. And silence
set in.
Thinking perhaps I
had caught them off-guard, I suggested a possible response: "As
gently and quietly as possible, what if you told Debbie that
ultimately she would have to make up her own mind, but that since she
had asked you, you would have to say you would not recommend having
sex at this point in her life. Could you tell her that?"
"No," came the
quick reply each time. "We don't teach values."
Most of these
educators had been in "the business" for more than ten years.
Consider this
additional fact concerning Daughter Debbie. At 13, she and her
sixteen year-old-boyfriend are considering the kind of sex called
statutory rape in many states.
Can we really call
it conscionable sex education to deny her the wisdom of our counsel—especially
when she asks us? "No, Debbie, I do not believe it is wise for
you to begin having sex with your boyfriend. Can I offer you some
help in dealing with this problem?"
One stop shopping
that sells children anything they want at any time in their lives is
the core of the problem with sex education in America. If we fail to
place a value on sex, if we fail to discriminate between appropriate
and inappropriate, if we fail to make value judgments, then we have no
reason to be surprised when our children become pregnant and infected
with STDs.
One stop
shopping…educators who give our children a free pass to do whatever
they want when they feel they are ready to do whatever they want…and
educators who give them the tools to do it…are they part of the
solution…or part of the problem?
One stop
shopping…if we tell Daughter Debbie that she can buy anything in the
store whenever she wants and that we will write the check for her…then
we shouldn’t be surprised if she buys sex with her boyfriend.
Copyright © 2004 Jane Jimenez
One Stop Shopping was first
printed April 16, 2004
See Archives
for more past editorials.
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