The large card
still stands on my dresser, a sweet remembrance from the man who has
shared over thirty years of life with me. As February winds down,
my mind is filled with the many pictures of love renewed on this
past Valentine’s Day.
At one
luncheon, going around the table for introductions, we shared
special thoughts about the husbands and wives who completed our
lives. From newlyweds to those married over forty years, it was
refreshing to see the tenderness used to describe the object of each
person’s affection.
Last Sunday,
Andrew thanked those who organized this month’s Sweetheart Dinner.
As he talked, sounds of babies surrounded us, until one coo and
babble turned more insistent. Mom bundled up her hungry babe, and
headed to the private room in the back.
Sex is at the
center of so much loveliness. It is the intensity of passion, the
bond of reconciliation, the playful encounter and…the creator of
life…building and sustaining relationships of love, promise and
honor.
And then…we
turn on the television and see sex purchased with a hundred dollar
bill on prime time television during what used to be family hour.
Wives are traded, singles prowl the city in search of sex, and
nearly naked ladies sell everything from potato chips to beer.
Computer
filters must fight the ever-mutating attacks on family life by XXX
fare. Even public librarians defend the right to provide porn,
resisting filters to protect the minds and hearts of children.
Cheap sex is
not new. Modern culture simply puts a new shine on the “world’s
oldest profession” and magnifies the ways to profit from sex. Yet,
one sad result of our ability to reproduce sex on stage, television,
music and film is the complete disconnect of sex from its greatest
purpose and its best expression.
Promiscuity is
a concept undone by American marketers and impotent judges. Still
defined by a dusty dictionary… aimless, designless, desultory,
haphazard, hit-or-miss, indiscriminate, irregular, purposeless,
unplanned…the word promiscuity carries no meaning today
because all sex is permissible.
The director
of a major metropolitan agency worked to explain the finer points of
their sex education program to me. They taught it all, she said.
They empowered kids to embrace their sexuality. They reinforced
that sex was just a normal part of life, complete with deprovera,
cherry-flavored condoms, and “confidentiality,” the promise they
will help kids evade the loving supervision of parents who know that
sex is not meant for teens.
What about
abstinence? I asked.
Sure, she
said.
Sure, what? I
asked.
For some kids,
abstinence is a choice…until they are ready for sex. Responsible
sex.
Responsible
sex? What would you tell a thirteen-year-old girl in your sex ed
class who came to you for your advice about having “responsible sex”
with her sixteen-year-old boyfriend? Could you tell her, since she
asked, that you advised her not to have sex of any kind with
him…that sex at her age was unhealthy and out-of-order…and even just
a teensy weensy irresponsible?
Without a
pause big enough to blink, she fired back at me. No.
No?
No. We are
values-neutral. We don’t teach values.
Sex without
values?
What kind of
educator is reluctant to teach our children the immovable healthy
boundaries of sex? This means more than mentioning
boundaries…saying that abstinence is a choice…something that some
kids will choose…until they don’t choose abstinence.
Sex education
is a matter of connecting sex with a nobler, finer purpose than
recreating in the backseat of a car with a kid you just met. And it
is a matter of believing in that purpose with enough conviction to
commit to it and promote it and counsel for it.
Everyone
teaches the value of sex. It’s just a matter of focus. Either you
link sex to the values that sustain healthy relationships and
support the care of our next generation with mothers and fathers who
love each other…or you don’t.
Our children
learn what we teach. If they are having sex that is aimless,
designless, desultory, haphazard, hit-or-miss, indiscriminate,
irregular, purposeless, unplanned…need we wonder why? Aren’t they
doing exactly what we are teaching them?
Sex
without value
IS a value.
