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August 21, 2006
This is the time
of year when students head off to school. From kindergarten through
college, anxious parents wave goodbye to their children as they
relinquish the ever watchful parent control and trust the fate of
their children to outside forces.
The newspaper
reporter called me. She was writing a story to help parents of
college students…to give them help and reassurance. How could parents
guide young men and women in dealing with the sexual pressures of the
college campus?
We spoke about
the precautions, the sex talks, the fears, and the boundaries. We
considered the coed dorms, the student health centers, the drinking,
the parties. And we strategized. Parents had tools to open dialogue
with their students, even if these college freshmen were breaking
loose from the day-to-day oversight that had guided their first 18
years of life.
Hopes were
balanced with fears. Precautions were checked with risks. Good and
bad possibilities were in a battle for influence over their students.
The obvious question had to be asked.
“Yes, parents
can do a lot,” the reporter said. “But what happens, in the
worst-case scenario?”
The worst case
scenario. Her words spoke volumes to me. After ten years of working
in the field of preventing adolescent sex, I was fully aware of the
worst case scenario. Like the mythical head of Medusa, it was a
simple phrase that erupts into many tentacles of bad consequences.
Worst case
scenario? Was the reporter thinking of the student who calls mom and
dad to tell them they tested positive for AIDS?
Perhaps the
reporter was thinking of the one in five adults who are now infected
with genital herpes. Even with a lifelong prescription for Famvir,
this infection will control the lives of millions of people with
regular outbreaks that can only be treated, not cured.
Maybe the
reporter, as I have, has spoken with ob-gyns who have treated women as
young as eighteen for cervical cancer. A new vaccine Gardasil
has been introduced to the market that prevents HPV infections, a
sexually transmitted disease (STD) responsible for over 97 percent of
cervical cancer. What do parents tell their daughters?
Or maybe the
reporter had personal experience with someone close to them who had
undergone an abortion in college. My own friend was overcome with
regret and depression, amplified by the boyfriend who “loved” her
during sex and promptly abandoned her after the abortion he wanted.
These stories
are just the tip of the iceberg. So many stories of worst case
scenarios, personalized to the individual who has to live out the
scenario. I am friends with a pregnancy counselor who prevented a
post-abortion suicide. I attended the trial of an abortion doctor who
walked away from a woman patient and let her bleed to death.
Speaking with
the reporter, an unexpected pause let a flood of worst case scenarios
fill my mind. I told the reporter, “I’m trying to figure out what
would actually be the worst-case scenario.”
She joined me in
brief silence. “Gee, I guess there are a number of possibilities,
aren’t there?”
Of course, I
knew from experience that the worst case she most likely had been
referring to was a phone call from college, “Mom, I’m pregnant.” But
considering this question and the many people I know who have dealt
with this scenario, I could see only life and hope.
“I am old
enough,” I told her, “to remember the college housing for married
students and families. Children and marriage at one time were not
hostile barriers to future happiness. Maybe discipline and patience
were required. But life was big enough for it all.”
One dear friend
gave birth to her unplanned baby and chose adoption to bless the lives
of a mother and father who could only wait for her generous gift.
Today, she is much more at peace with her “scenario” than those I have
spoken to who regret their hasty abortion decisions made under
pressure and isolation.
When did babies
become the enemy? When did they define the “worst-case scenario” for
American culture?
As our children
leave home, and as we continue to parent them from afar, perhaps the
best gift we can give them is an understanding of the wonderful joys
that come from sex that produces life.
Four years in
college is a slice of their life, a time when they set the stage for
their future…not just careers…but lives as mothers, fathers, parents.
The best-case scenario is a dream they can catch, if we take the time
to build it.
Our fears and
our hopes both have the ability to capture our mind. Which will it be
for our children? The best-case scenario…or the worst?
Copyright © 2006 Jane Jimenez
July 11, 2005 Medically
Accurate Cowards
April 2, 2004
Sex Education: Spinning the Truth
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for past editorials.
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