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Last week in Atlanta, Georgia, the 11th Annual
Conference of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education
was held. Experts from around the country met to share ways to
foster and support healthy marriages. In the coming month, grant
applications for programs to promote Healthy Marriages will be
evaluated, and top-scoring programs will be funded in the first major
federal program to foster healthy families and children through
support of mothers and fathers in marriage. In honor of MARRIAGE
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July 3, 2004
They were a tender
sight across the room, the two of them leaning across the table,
talking and laughing, smiling into each other’s eyes. Even as they
ate dinner under the low lights, they kept their fingers laced
together on the tabletop.
As the waiter
cleared their table, they sat in silence. Then, in the quiet
interlude before dessert arrived, the young man reached into the
inside pocket of his coat and pulled out a small box. Scooting his
chair backwards, he stood tall and moved to the side of his date.
Slowly, kneeling on one knee, he looked up to her.
Everyone in the
room knew something special was happening. Cooperating with the young
man, voices drew lower, and when the young woman’s face lit up with
joy, the couple was met with an impulsive collective applause from the
strangers seated around them.
It really
happened. But it seems quaint today, an awkward public moment to
declare one’s intentions. One simple question, Will you marry me,
ushering in a lifetime of commitment. One question, followed with an
answer and a promise, a tender moment that will be tested by the
trials of time.
Boy, how things
have changed.
My husband and I
met in the 60’s when marriage vows were passé. Quaint promises were
given on the beach and meant, not for a lifetime, but for as long we
both shall get along together.
During our college
years divorce was elevated to a social duty for unhappy married
people. And the advent of birth control seemingly eliminated any
consequences of sex…along with the need for parents to usher in a
late-night wedding to save the family honor.
In 1966, Robert
Rimmer’s The Harrad Experiment portrayed an experimental
college where students were “expected to couple up in various
combinations and permutations in order to develop a free and
uninhibited approach to sexuality.” None of that had a single thing
to do with marriage, vows, and fidelity.
And in 1969, this
experimentation spawned the movie Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice
where two couples applauded one another’s affairs and swinging.
Billed as a farce, the foursome under the sheets provided Americans a
voyeuristic romp with the “neighbor next door” that made marriage vows
a laughable anachronism.
For people of our
generation, confidence had been shaken in traditions of the past.
Marriage was seen as just a piece of paper. Cynicism grew. And
grew. Even the word itself came under suspicion…m…m…m…marriage, “You
want to get m…m…m…married?”
As we saw it,
marriage was difficult. It wasn’t perfect. People cheated on each
other. They got divorced. Why try it if you knew it wouldn’t work?
Well…after all
these years, we got what we wanted. And now we are paying the price.
Congress is working to pass a Federal Marriage Amendment. Meanwhile,
abstinence educators are working to teach children the benefits of
saving sex until marriage.
Yet, the hardest
work lies ahead…even if we restore marriage as a timeless and honored
relationship between a man and a woman…even if we lead the coming
generation to the altar.
Marriage as an
institution is only as good as the love that blooms when a young man
bends his knee and a woman reaches out to accept his hand. Cynicism
has no place in marriage.
Marriage as a
lifelong relationship will only flourish if we restore the sense of
dignity and hope contained in a vow to love and honor, till death do
us part.
If marriage
matters, we must bestow honor on those who work to make their
marriages last a lifetime. We must work to understand the desires and
emotions that cause marriages to crumble, and we must honor our
marriages enough to work for their preservation.
Most of all we must
muster up the courage to admit that marriage is a good thing. We must
stop the stammering and stand tall. We must ask boldly and answer
gladly.
Will you marry me?
Yes!
Copyright © 2004 Jane Jimenez
- First Printed April 23, 2004
Dedicated to Lynn Stanley.
May 14, 2004
Order in the Courtroom!
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for past editorials.
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