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May 29, 2006
The
Washington Times reported last week on a consensus report on
sexual health just issued by “wildly divergent political
organizations.” Yet, in spite of this much-heralded consensus, no
agreement was reached on “what constitutes sexual abstinence,
responsible sexual behavior, sexual orientation and ‘medical
accuracy,’ such as condom efficacy.”
So just what
does consensus mean? In truth, it seems we are left with the same
splits, divides and disagreements. Consider condoms. Long
heralded as the KEY to solving problems associated with teen sex, you
would think a national agreement on at least that one issue would
exist by now.
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Why Condoms Will Not Save Us
Teen parents Dan
and Christy
are just two people. I love them. They are personal, they live in my
world. But their two lives speak of the millions of children and
parents in our country today.
Dan’s parents
love him. That has never been in doubt. It’s just that they couldn’t
remain in love with each other. As Dan was maturing, he watched his
parents argue, separate, reunite and then begin the cycle again--over
and over again. Until one day, his mother sent divorce papers to his
father. And it ended.
Dan’s mother was
determined to make a good life for herself and her two children. She
enrolled in a university, gained government assistance, and worked any
part time job she could find. She supported him in his school work,
rented movies to watch late at night with Dan and his older
sister, and went to all of his basketball games.
Yet, the strain
of the family breakup was too much. Dan missed his father, and his
sister became ensnared in a cycle of drugs, truancy, and running
away. His mother, working hard to deal with each emergency as it
happened, was glad Dan seemed to be motivated at school and surrounded
by good friends. She just didn’t have time to do everything.
Without a father
at home, and with a mother and sister caught in a battle of teenage
rebellion, Dan took solace in his friendships. And he sought
affection in the arms of his high school sweetheart. Dan and Christy
only had sex once. But that was enough to create a new life,
Allyson.
Today, Allyson
is being raised most of the time by her great-grandmother, Christy’s
grandmother. Christy takes care of Allyson when she is at home. She
and Dan broke up right after she knew she was pregnant, and Christy
has had a steady string of boyfriends since then moving in and moving
out of her life. And she is pregnant again.
After a
paternity test proved Dan to be Allyson’s father, the court assigned
him a support payment of $100 per month. He felt a sense of duty to
meet this payment and began a pizza delivery job, but with his
basketball practices and the demands on him as senior class treasurer,
Dan finally quit work, and his mom took over the monthly payments.
Dan has just
entered college on a basketball scholarship, and he tries to drive
home on weekends to spend time with Allyson. He and Christy end up in
court periodically to argue over custody arrangements that involve
both sets of Allyson’s grandparents and her great-grandmother. Dan’s
parents, both mother and father, along with a sister who has finally
settled down, and aunts and uncles who love him, support him in his
role as Allyson’s father. But it’s not easy. Dan’s grades last
semester were low enough to threaten his scholarship.
And what about
Allyson? She just celebrated her first birthday as a bright-eyed
toddler.
In only twelve
more years, Allyson will herself be a teenager. Meanwhile, who will
be the adults in her life to guide her and love her? Will she grow up
to seek love in the arms of a high school sweetheart? Will she ever
know what it means to have two parents at home, a mother and a father
who love and hug each other at night in the kitchen?
When she enters
high school, will a teen pregnancy and a baby create a problem for
Allyson? Or might they solve a problem for her? Might
a teen pregnancy give Allyson’s life a focus, a meaning--a glimpse of
the love and affection that seemed just out of reach in the few short
years she had for learning what love and parenting are all about?
Yes, what about
Allyson?
April 30, 2004
Condoms: A Failure to Protect
January 3, 2005
Teen Sex: What's the Problem?
See Archives
for past editorials.
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